Celebrity News Update

OK, it's been a while, and politics slows to a crawl during the holidays, therefore I'll read the sleazy tabloid trash, so you don't have to:

• Michael Phelps dates Vegas cocktail waitress. Going for the gold(digger).
• Britney Spears abusing . . . laxatives?
• A-Rod and Madonna? Dude, don't go there!
• Hollywood star whizzes on the sidewalk.
• Britney's mom says Britney is a great mother. Hey, she should know, right?
• Ruined by David Copperfield.
• Natalie Portman, because she's hot.
• Kate Winslet, because she's hot.

So that's all the really important sleaze you would have otherwise missed, and I know you feel better now.

BTW, I hereby officially pronounce today International Natalie Portman Cleavage Day in the blogosphere. Don't worry, your wife's at the mall all day with your credit card . . .