Friday, September 5, 2008

Election '08: The Hollywood pitch

OK, just imagine a screenwriter trying to pitch this story to a movie producer:
It's "Primary Colors" meets "The Distinguished Gentleman," "Top Gun" and "Legally Blonde," see?
All right, there's this half-Kenyan community organizer guy from Chicago. Well, he's actually from Hawaii and grew up in Indonesia, but he went to Harvard Law and now he's a senator from Chicago. Think Will Smith. Anyway, he wins the nomination by defeating the former First Lady. They call him the Messiah.
The other guy is a Navy pilot and Vietnam war hero who spent six years as a POW in the Hanoi Hilton, married to a beautiful blonde beer heiress. His nickname is Maverick.
So, anyway, it's Messiah vs. Maverick, OK? And then the Messiah has this huge speech with 90,000 people at a stadium and everybody's like, "Wow? How can you top that?" But then the Maverick decides that his vice-president is going to be -- wait for it -- a moose-hunting lady from Alaska! And her nickname is Barracuda.

But then, right after Maverick announces Barracuda as his running mate, guess what? Turns out her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant by her hockey-hunk boyfriend, so then . . .
What's that? ... Impossible? ... Whaddya mean they'll never believe it? Wait, no, I can rewrite it ...
Roll credits.

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