Britney update

It's been a while -- several days, at least -- since we checked in on Britney Spears, who's got a new single coming out today, "Womanizer":

The lyrics are here. She shot the video Wednesday in L.A., reportedly costumed as a waitress and doing lots of slutty stuff:

One witness tells Usmagazine.com it features plenty of "erotic" choreography. . . .
In one scene, Spears (who wears tight, black leather pants and fake tattoos on her arms in the video) lies on a kitchen counter and later straddles and makes out with a man dressed in business suit.

Yeah, waitresses can't resist a guy in a business suit. This happens to me all the time at Waffle House. Wear a coat and tie into a Waffle House, the waitresses get all scattered, smothered and covered. It's frightening. My wife's starting to get suspicious, checking my breath for the telltale aroma of hashbrowns when I come home.

Meanwhile, it's reported that Britney and Fed-Ex are in "couples counseling." That's crazy. Look, Britney: You're a redneck girl from Louisiana. You need to handle your breakups in a culturally appropriate way, like keying Kevin's car and slashing his tires. Nothing says "closure" quite like a restraining order. It's the redneck way to go.